Up and running...again! Ugh!

First I had chemo. Maria asked if I had taken my anti-nausea and I decided to confess that I have not been taking them for weeks because it makes me sick. I've told her this before but she had an answer for everything...I didn't take it at the right time or with the right foods or I was not eating well enough. Believe me when I tell you that the nausea is the worst feeling ever and I would try anything to make it work! So the notion that I wasn't trying everything she had suggested is ridiculous! After hearing that I've been doing chemo without it, she decided to give me something else...FINALLY!

So we tried a different anti-nausea drug and she gave me a much bigger bag to "flush" my IV with after she "pushed" my chemo drugs. Consequently, it took a lot longer to get the heck outta there and I had to go peeeee! LOL!!

Next stop was a visit with the doctor. I asked about the MRI results he muttered a bunch of stuff and I caught a smidgen of bulged disc in the t-spine (great!), depleated bone marrow (wonderful!), muscle deterioration (fabulous!)..."but nothing significant!" I quoted that just so you understand how the visit went. For a 39 year old woman who can't put on her left shoe....I disagree! It showed plenty significant problems. But those won't kill you so they don't matter...I guess!!

Scott asked if the MRI showed the tumors. He said no just the bulge in the disc. Not at all why Scott was asking but I tried to re-phrase the question. I said we were asking to see if the chemo is working. He asked when my last scan was. Are you feeling my frustration?!?!?! I think when I come in he checks his brain out and doesn't remember anything. I 've been asking him....begging him for another scan for 3 months! I finally just looked at him and said...listen the last (only) scan was Jan. 28th. It has been 7 months of chemo. I want to know if this is working. My feet are numb and tingling. I have chest pains. My liver is not working properly. My white counts are all over the place. I am sick on a weekly basis. My legs are giving out for no reason at all. All this to shrink the blasted tumors. If it isn't working...I want to know! I need to know!! If it is working great...let's go! If it's not working we may want to re-think our approach. It seems like there are so many other drugs out there being used successfully, why waste a year if this isn't working! I told him if it isn't working at all, I'm done!

So he ordered a CT scan. I then asked about the radiation that is given with each CT that I've ever had coupled with actual radiation. You want to know what he said...."it's not my body". I came back with "well it is my body and THAT is why I'm asking". He said you have had a lot of radiation.....then he ordered a CT scan. When I further questioned him he countered with an offer to not scan for a few more months if I want to wait. Am I not clear or is he an idiot!?!?! Nevermind, I know the answer to that question :-)

So I wait for the CT to be approved and then I go drink that nasty stuff and get more radiation. At this point it will take longer to fight the MRI/CT debate or move to another doctor that we have decided to do a CT this time....just to get a peek inside! Chemo is scheduled for next Tuesday. Oh joy!

As for how the new anti-nausea worked, I can't really say. It seemed to hold it off for a bit longer. I was able to get home and in bed before the bad stuff started. Usually I get home and go to sleep and by dinner time I am hungry and eating makes me feel better. This time the smell make me so very sick! So I didn't eat dinner...I just rolled over and went back to sleep. Today, the day after I do feel better. Just taking it slow and drinking tons to flush out the chemo.

Tomorrow's another day :-)