November Calendar

Since I called in sick last week and this week was to be my week off, I hadn't yet been put on the November calendar. Honestly, I wasn't quite sure after leaving the office if he wanted me on the calendar since the purpose of the 11/16 appointment was to discuss where to go from here. So I called the office.

Maria, my favorite chemo nurse called back saying the doctor said take the week off until my appointment. No chemo! I didn't argue or give them the opportunity to change their minds. Free at last! So I am off until I meet with him on the 16th to see what his collegues have to say about my course of treatment and the usefulness of a PET scan.

Calling In Sick!

After the week I had last week there was nothing that could convince me that I should go back for more torture! So I called in sick! I haven't been feeling great and I could only imagine what this round was going to be like. I used the week to catch up on sleep and family. It is amazing the difference in psyche of everyone around me when I don't have chemo.

I miss the way my life used to be...being happy, having energy and loving Tuesdays! Oh and having a clean house. I miss having a clean house!! I asked Justin (my 14 yr old) the other day if his friends know what is going on in our house. They have seen the house not so put together (not too terrible but not what I would like) and you know you always wonder what your kid's friends say about how other people live. He said he talks to his friends about me and chemo. I have to say that I am so proud of the person that he is becoming. He is loving, responsible and he COMMUNICATES! He will be quite the catch someday! Love that boy! I can't wait to be the momma he deserves to have :-)!

Off next week for my scheduled week off! I can't say just how much that puts an extra spring in my step! Scott just keeps repeating how much he loves to see me off of chemo....ditto!

Are you sitting down?!?

OK you don't really have to be sitting down for this because it is much of the same news...just a different day!

I learned that my scans are exactly the same. Go figure! So I put on the full court press to get him to give me concrete arguements for continuing with this torture. Not surprisingly, he didn't have one. See! I was right!

I did have an emotional breakdown (first time in front of him...I know you are surprised but that is a story for another time!) and I think he wasn't sure what to think of it all. I have always maintained my composure because he is the sort who doesn't want to deal with an emotional female. BUT I am one and I am DONE with chemo!

I explained to him that if he had a scientific reason for continuing, I would try. If he didn't have one I felt it was reasonable to argue that either the tumor is dead and will no longer grow or the chemo is only stopping it while I am on the drugs but it can still grow once I stop. The only logical way to assess that, in my very humble opinion, is to stop with the chemo. See where I'm going with this??? He actually agreed with me. I told him that I was willing to finish out my year (see the bargaining...smart, huh?) but that I was willing to go a few months chemo free to see what happens. Hopefully no growth but if I had some, then so be it. I was willing to take that chance. He again agreed that was reasonable.

I explained that one of my kids was throwing up (but he wasn't sick), another didn't want to go to school and another bombed a test at school (next day got 100% without ever knowing he needed to take it over) all of these events happened on a TUESDAY. Chemo day! My family has been through so much and if it isn't shrinking why for the love of Pete would we continue on with this torture! Again, I got some agreement. He said well we can't just keep giving you chemo forever. DUH! I could have told you that SIX months ago! Ugh!!!!!

So the plan...
Chemo next week (if I don't die first! I had the most violent reaction to chemo yesterday. Let's just say that there was vomit everywhere!!) and then my scheduled week off. I will then see him on 11/16 for his final answer. He said he will investigate for pros and cons and devise a plan to follow. You know how well he follows plans....NOT! With any hope I will be done with chemo for good mid-November.

He would like to do a scan once I finish to have a baseline by which to compare. We re-visited the benefits (he feels) of my having a CT as opposed to an MRI. It always goes back to, he is clausterphobic, however I am not! I continue to remind him that he can stick me in a damn tube for hours if it decreases the chance of me developing a secondary cancer due to radiation exposure. Still haven't gotten through to him on that one. We didn't ever really conclude our debate...so I can't tell you what he will end of ordering. We also talked about a PET scan.

I had plenty of fight in me and I was prepared! I caught him off guard so I guess he wasn't on his A-game.

Today is Results Day!

First I have chemo and then a jog down the hall to get the CT results. I have had no interest in going to the CT site and getting the report as I have always done. It's wierd. No desire at all for them to tell me what is going on in my own body! I suspect it will be much of the same and I really just don't want to face that I guess. I am thankful they have stopped. So that is a good thing. We'll see if the trend continues.

I will keep you posted with the results when I get them....