Are you sitting down?!?

OK you don't really have to be sitting down for this because it is much of the same news...just a different day!

I learned that my scans are exactly the same. Go figure! So I put on the full court press to get him to give me concrete arguements for continuing with this torture. Not surprisingly, he didn't have one. See! I was right!

I did have an emotional breakdown (first time in front of him...I know you are surprised but that is a story for another time!) and I think he wasn't sure what to think of it all. I have always maintained my composure because he is the sort who doesn't want to deal with an emotional female. BUT I am one and I am DONE with chemo!

I explained to him that if he had a scientific reason for continuing, I would try. If he didn't have one I felt it was reasonable to argue that either the tumor is dead and will no longer grow or the chemo is only stopping it while I am on the drugs but it can still grow once I stop. The only logical way to assess that, in my very humble opinion, is to stop with the chemo. See where I'm going with this??? He actually agreed with me. I told him that I was willing to finish out my year (see the bargaining...smart, huh?) but that I was willing to go a few months chemo free to see what happens. Hopefully no growth but if I had some, then so be it. I was willing to take that chance. He again agreed that was reasonable.

I explained that one of my kids was throwing up (but he wasn't sick), another didn't want to go to school and another bombed a test at school (next day got 100% without ever knowing he needed to take it over) all of these events happened on a TUESDAY. Chemo day! My family has been through so much and if it isn't shrinking why for the love of Pete would we continue on with this torture! Again, I got some agreement. He said well we can't just keep giving you chemo forever. DUH! I could have told you that SIX months ago! Ugh!!!!!

So the plan...
Chemo next week (if I don't die first! I had the most violent reaction to chemo yesterday. Let's just say that there was vomit everywhere!!) and then my scheduled week off. I will then see him on 11/16 for his final answer. He said he will investigate for pros and cons and devise a plan to follow. You know how well he follows plans....NOT! With any hope I will be done with chemo for good mid-November.

He would like to do a scan once I finish to have a baseline by which to compare. We re-visited the benefits (he feels) of my having a CT as opposed to an MRI. It always goes back to, he is clausterphobic, however I am not! I continue to remind him that he can stick me in a damn tube for hours if it decreases the chance of me developing a secondary cancer due to radiation exposure. Still haven't gotten through to him on that one. We didn't ever really conclude our debate...so I can't tell you what he will end of ordering. We also talked about a PET scan.

I had plenty of fight in me and I was prepared! I caught him off guard so I guess he wasn't on his A-game.