Ouch!

Some of my dear friends are curious to see what radiated skin looks like. All modesty went out the window 5 kids ago! :-) Here ya go! My skin is breaking down big time. I have one blister that continues to grow. I am a tinge worried about infection but i am on top of it.

It's a GOOD day!

I went into Tuesday expecting to have another treatment at the very least...3 at the very most. One of the techs said to the other, "this is it, right?" I popped up and said "what is it?" They both just looked at me and smiled. They said the doctor prescribed 8 "boost" treatments and this was #8...you are done after today. :-)

They also mentioned that it is a good thing because they didn't think my skin could take another day. And how! So, today was my first radiation free day and it feels like Saturday to me. They were right about my skin. Imagine taking a blow torch to your skin...and that pretty much is what it feels like. The skin has really broken down and the open sores are very painful. Today, more blisters have emerged and I am just waiting for them to pop....more open sores.

The good news is that I am done! It can only get better from this point on out...right? I have an appointment with the doctor in a month to assess the damage and scan those pesky tumors to see what they are doing. Please keep me and those pesky tumors in your prayers. They have to stop growing for this to be the end of my story. I fear what the next course of action is...so they have to stop growing! It would be a bonus if they shrunk but I will settle for stopping them in there tracks!

That's all for now, I am sure news won't be flowing in daily but I will keep you posted.

Okay, I asked the million dollar question...

I started the morning out asking what my status was regarding the number of treatments remaining. There was some confusion....one tech felt that I had to finish my regular sessions and then begin an 8 boost treatment sequence. Yikes! I told them that is why I was afraid to ask. The assured me they would look into it after my treatment.

I also demanded to see the nurse because to me, it didn't make sense to put moisturizer on an open wound. There has to be something better than Aquaphor for the breaking down skin. I kind of got what I was looking for....she gave me a powder called Domeboro. You mix it with a quart of water and apply only to the open sores 3 times a day. I was advised multiple times to NOT apply it to the other skin that is still intact. That takes me applying it out of the question. It is in an awkward location.

After my visit with the nurse, I saw one of the techs and she wasn't sure if I had two more treatments or five. She will speak to the doctor when he comes in and tell me the verdict when I go in tomorrow.

So, true to form no one at this joint knows what is going on....SCARY!!

Some Answers....Finally!

I went in today and I guess my face really just says it all about how I am feeling! I can barely get off of the table when I am done with the treatment and they asked what was going on with me...if I was okay. I explained the dramatic increase in pain that I am feeling not only on my left side but also the right. The pain is in the bones and muscles and shockingly, it is to be expected. Thanks for the heads-up!

As it turns out, my skin looks good for the amount of radiation that I am getting. They are surprised that I don't have a bad reaction on my tummy also. I am grateful that I have no evidence on the front side :-) The radiation is travelling through healthy bones and tissues to get to the tumors and the pain is a result of damage to the healthy stuff...makes sense. The pain that I am having on my right side is also a direct result of the treatments. They are also treating the right side and the effects are being felt in my muscle tissue and bones. So in short, it is all normal but hurts like crazy!!

Once I have finished with all of my treatments, I will have a month off and then I will return to the doctor. At the one month mark I should begin to heal the healthy stuff and feel better. I was told that if I don't start to feel better, I need to mention it to the doctor. So, finish treatments....wait a month....start to feel better! I was hoping for something more immediate but hey! I can do this!! I move like I am 100 years old but I CAN do this!

I still think I have 6 treatments left but with all the conversation that happened today, I just couldn't add that to it. Hopefully I will see someone on Monday and I can ask the radiation/IMRT question and the treatment number at that time. I sure hope that they don't throw me a curve ball....that is what has kept me going. I am tired, I hurt and gosh darn it I want to sleep in and do nothing one of these days!!!

Not Much Newsworthy to Report

Upon returning to treatment I have experienced one "machine malfunction". That was on Monday, July13th. When I returned on Tuesday for the first treatment of the week, I received a large red circle on my back. Strangly, it looks like I got hit with a soccer ball and it left a red mark in it's wake. I don't know why it suddenly looks like I have a new treatment area, one that is much wider.

I have a few theories....ONE, I am entering into the final weeks of treatment. I heard them talking about a "boost" when referring to my treatment. I don't know what it was about but I noticed the beams were delivered for a longer amount of time than previous treatments. TWO, I received a notice from my insurance yesterday explaining that my doctors request for IMRT was denied. Remember, I began treatment on June 1st...why would the denial just now be coming in.... Why wouldn't the doctor wait for approval before beginning treatment???? My thoughts, for what they are worth.... They were aware that IMRT was denied and I was never told that I will not be getting IMRT. Hmm! So much for giving informed consent. I plan to address this with the radiation oncologist, once I get my visit with him. Thus far, it has never happened. So either I never received IMRT or they switched my treatments mid-stream, thus the big red circle burn. Who knows!!

As for my poor beef jerky of a back....it is red, black, and very tender. I have taken to wearing dresses to keep EVERYTHING off of my back. No waistband from shorts or pants has helped with the pain. The only other remedy that they can offer me is Aquaphor (lotion which is like Vaseline), which I am using. I know this is all normal and to be expected but man, this hurts!! My treatment area is large and while I am grateful it is all being covered, it does add quite a bit of pain.

Tumor pain is another animal. Lately, over the past 4-5 days I have been in a lot of pain from the tumors. The muscle area which is affected is sore and very painful. I spent the past two days in bed just trying not to move. As if that isn't bad enough, the other side of my back has been also giving me trouble. I don't know the cause and I was hoping to address this all with the doctor on my regular Monday visit with the nurse. But by now, you've probably already guessed how things go for me :-) I didn't see anyone yesterday. Gotta love it!

They only remedy they've offered me in the past was pain pills. I already have them from surgery and for the past two days I've been using them. So needless to say, I have a lot of questions. The ladies I see daily can see that I move a lot slower and I am in a lot more pain. They either choose not to answer the questions or cannot, so I get nowhere with them.

If my calculations are correct, and pray with me that they are :-), I only have 9 more treatments left!! That should put my last treatment on Aug 3 providing we don't have any more issues with machine failure/maintenance. I can do this and one day I will brush it off as no big deal. While in the midst of it though, it is a big deal and I do struggle with it all from time to time. The pain, the uncertainty it gets the better of me at times but there is no time for that and I move on.

Broken Skin

Well, it finally happened. I spent most of the week/week-end since Thursday on the baseball field and my skin has been itching like crazy. So, naturally, I scratched it. Well, that was a bit of a mistake. I broke the thin, fragile layer of skin in a small area at my waistline. It was only a matter of time. Hopefully I will see the doctor tomorrow, or at the very least the nurse. I keep trudging on :)! It's the only way to be!!

Back On the Saddle

I started back up with my daily appointments on Tuesday. They took more x-rays and more blood work. Don't know if that is normal or exactly why they do this. I asked the "fill-in" doctor when I last saw a doctor and she said the x-rays don't measure the tumor but rather are for the sole purpose of treatment planning. Personally, that doesn't make sense to me. Wouldn't you like to see if the tumor is larger or smaller so that you could make adjustments to the delivery of the beam? Keep in mind that I am receiving IMRT which specifically targets the tumor by it's dimensions. If the tumor is in fact getting larger, which I think it is based on the pain, wouldn't you then need to increase the dimensions of the radiation being delivered? Just my thoughts but remember this doctor didn't recognize that I currently have tumors actively growing inside my wonderfully hospitable body :-)



So, I am tired again and a little queasy. It must just be getting started up again. I am still pink and tender but nothing I can't handle. Bring it on!

Just because I am so proud of both my husband and son!

Aren't they handsome!!

We're Back!!

We returned home this evening from Steamboat Springs, CO. Cameron and his team did it! The Chino Hills Storm went 7 and 0 to capture the title of World Series Champions! We are so very proud of them and I wouldn't have missed this for the world!

It was also a very nice break for me. I hardly ever thought about what is ahead/behind me. I start up again first thing in the morning. Hopefully this past week has given my skin the rest it needs so that I won't experience the unpleasant side effects of radiation therapy.
GO STORM!!