Last week only a few staples were healed enough to be removed. The last of them were removed today. I ask Dr. Newman what caused this mass to grow and will it come back. He says, only God knows and maybe. He leaves off, swating my back, this is the funkiest place I have ever seen one of these! Lucky me!

Some Staples Are Removed

Only some of the staples are ready to be removed. A few split open after being removed and Dr. Newman decides we should wait on the rest. Everything is healing well. Come back next week.

First Post-Op Visit

We go to see Dr. Newman to check on the staples and the drain. The drain was such a drag! It sent me into tears a few times. It was the most annoying part of the whole process. It was uncomfortable and I had a reaction to the tape that went across the 8 inch scar with staples, the drain wound and wrapped around my stomach to my belly button. Thankfully, the week mark and very little drainage meant the blasted drain would be removed! It was a great day! Staples would stay, it wasn't healed enough to remove.

The most important news of the visit included the pathology results. We were resolved to hear the words cancer and assured we could get through it. The diagnosis, cellular fibromatosis. What the heck is that? Dr. Newman explained, it is a benign condition that behaves very much like cancer, an aggresive tumor. He would have bet the bank it was cancer but it wasn't. He offered his congratulations, see you in a week.

Surgery Day

Today surgery is scheduled to excise the mass on the iliac crest on the lower left flank. Strangely we have anticipated this moment for so long that we are relieved it is finally here. Dr. Newman has an incredible reputation and everyone at the hospital is fantastic. From the surgical nurse, who is also the nurse that held my hand as I waited to go into the OR several years earlier after having suffered a miscarriage. She, too comforted me with her stories of survival at the hands of Dr. Newman. I was confident I was in the very best hands, anxious to move past this very long chapter. Scott waited for word from the operating room. Dr. Newman successfully removed the tumor and sent it away to pathology. We were disappointed they didn't do this in the operating room but they didn't and they must have had their reasons.

I woke up in the recovery room to the question, "is your blood pressure usually this low?" How was I supposed to comprehend, nevermind answer a question like that after being under for a few hours!? I muttered something I'm sure they didn't understand. I quickly woke up and wanted to see Scott. An hour later I was in my room. I tried to rest but I just wanted to go home. I was told I needed to eat, drink, walk and pee. I was anxious to get this show on the road. I ate and drank just fine. Several hours later, I was ready to walk. As I sat up I was light-headed but it past. I swung my feet over the bed and again, I was light-headed but it passed. I stood up and I passed out! Luckily, I did everything as I was told and she was ready to catch me. She and Scott caught me before I could get hurt. I bought myself more time in bed, at the hospital.

It was late before we got home. The kids were anxious to see for themselves that I was okay. Scott's mom and my dad held the fort until we arrived. Justin wrote the sweetest note, leaving it on my pillow with a chocolate and water at my bedside. He was so worried and probably didn't know what to be worried about other than this wasn't normal!

Surgeon, Dr. Newman

We meet with Dr. Newman to discuss the mass and how to remove it. He, too is certain it is soft tissue sarcoma. He is also certain that we will take it out, do a course of radiation and I will be fine. He even stops himself because he doesn't want to go any further with any discussions until he knows for sure what we are dealing with. He is the first doctor to keep open speculation to a minimum. He could see that we were terrified and he didn't want to add to our stress until he was certain. We were aware of the theories but we would have to wait until they took it out and looked at it. Surgery was scheduled for 4/3/08.

Oncologist

I visit the oncologist for his opinion. He is tripped up by the lymphoma diagnosis and doesn't understand why they haven't begun a treatment plan. He places a call to the doctors involved thus far and moves to his opinion....soft tissue sarcoma. He is pretty sure that it is soft tissue sarcoma. Surgery to remove the tumor is the next course of action followed by radiation and/or chemotherapy. Based on the size the tumor is measuring, the news is not great. It is a size that would dictate, easily stage 4 cancer. We look to the surgeon for his opinion. All the while, the kids obviously can sense that something is wrong but until we know exactly what we are facing, Scott and I choose to keep them out of our discussions.

Still Waiting

A week came and went. I placed a call to the hospital to find out when they expected to know the results. They had sent the biopsies out for additional stainning. What ever that means?!?! It isn't until after a week and a half do we hear anything. The results are inconclusive! They know nothing more today than they did when we started with the pain management doctor. To this point no one has told me what they think this mass is other than I need to get going on treatment. The pain management doctor submits a referral for a consultation with an oncologist. So I make the appointment...