He Expected to See Shrinkage!! Darn!

I saw the doctor on Thursday and we watched him rub his head and wince a lot! Scott said, "Stace, he doesn't know what to do with this!" I gathered that 7 1/2 months ago! So he told me everything I already knew. The tumors are "virtually identical" from the January 28th scan. Nothing has changed.

Scott asked his thoughts and he said he was hoping to see shrinkage. Since we don't have that we are cranking up the meds. That, along with re-confirming that we are a long way off from being done is heartbreaking news.

Tuesday I begin again. I will have treatments for the next 3 weeks and then we set off to Maui for 8 days. I hadn't anticipated the 2 week break while we waiting for the CT results so that break isn't really a great idea. He said to go on vacation and enjoy myself. HUH! Easy for him to say!!

I am truly defeated. I, albeit unrealistically, hoped for complete obliteration and the end of chemo. He laughed and told me that even if they had disappeared we would be far from done. I repeated that I realize that was unrealistic but we all need to have something to look forward to....that was mine.

On the bright side my liver counts are...wait for it....all in the normal range. Chemo hasn't killed my liver after all!! Yea!! They will rise dramatically once I start again but it is a great sign that they return to normal when we stop the treatments. My white counts are a different story. He couldn't give a medical reason but to say that it is me and we can never really fully understand why I react the way I do. My counts should be healthy and in the range of normal but they arent' so I need to continue to be careful. I always am. It has become a way of life for our family.

My doctor did mention for the first time getting a PET scan. I will push it because it could give us a better understanding of the tumors activities. He said you never know because...it is me :-( Sadly we wasn't being a wiseguy! He is very serious because things just don't go according to plan with me.

So blood on Monday...chemo Tuesday...shots Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
It's official. I am a human pin cushion once again and I can honestly say that I didn't miss it for a single second!

CT Results Are In!

I picked up a copy of my CT results today and the verdict is mixed. The scans show that my tumors are exactly the same as they were on the January 28th, 2010 scan. So this means that the chemo has worked in regards to stopping it's growth. They were aggressive and now...not so much.

I am a bit disappointed (actually a lot) because of course, the hope is that those suckers would have been obliterated!! But they are not and so my life on chemo continues. Even if they were gone it would not have been over but the high would have certainly carried me through to the end of my treatment protocol. Now, I live with the fact that they are living inside of me happy to be there but not growing. See, I told you it was mixed news!

There are a lot of other things written in my report that I have never really understood. For example, my enlarged spleen (still there...and enlarged) and the lymph nodes along the retroperitonium (which should be not seen but are)...what all this means, I really don't know. Sure I've asked before but I've never been given a real good answer. Not one that I understand anyway!

My appointment is next with my oncologist on Thursday to officially be given the news (like I said, I picked up a copy of my report...I am a pro at this stuff now so I don't need to wait over a week to be given news...maybe not a great idea but hey! do you blame me??) and probably get some chemo in my veins...ugh!

That's all for now....

Getting Tougher

I had another round this week. Nothing significant to report. Still no word on the neurologist.. I have to keep on them to get it done, hopefully by the end of the week.

CT scan is scheduled for Wednesday and next weeks treatment is potentially on hold until after I have my scan and have been delivered the results. It just doesn't make any sense! I have been falling, having chest pains and the latest is getting dizzy and all that hasn't stopped them from continuing with treatments. But suddenly the results of the tumor growth is a valid reason for putting the breaks on for a week, maybe two. I just don't get it, I don't!

Every week is different but the one thing that doesn't change is that it gets tougher with each week. It just keeps getting more and more difficult.